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New Years Day! Happy New Years!

This is usally a good time for reflection, because one gets a sense that with a new year comes the possibility of a new start. If there are changes you'd like to make, why not make them now? People make resolutions. They say "This is what I want to be different about my life", and then make a plan, and shoot for those things.

I, like a lot of people, enter into this reflection.

Here's my plan. Today, and I think its good to start with very immediate things...On my lunch break, I intend to go to Borders to buy some books. I'm going to buy a day planner, "IV" by Chuck Klosterman, and maybe some other things. While I hate to start the year with something like "buying stuff", my hope is that it will allow me to stay focused and disciplined in seeking the things I want to be doing. I hope to plan out my weeks and days, and that maybe then I will be more productive and purposeful in the way I'm living my life.

I want to take some trips this year. In the spring, I want to go to NY, and in the summer, Boston. If I have to go by myself to do these things, then fine. I really want to get some different types of experiences under my belt. My hope is that if I plan this stuff out, I will be more apt to actually do it, rather than just "wanting" to do it. My pastor Jeff also talked about the possibility of doing a mission trip this summer to Poland. Why not? If I can do those 3 trips, I will be happy with this aspect of my life.

I want my music stuff to start taking steps forward. I hope to plan out times in my week that I will spend actually trying to write and I hope I can be more productive that way. The fact that I haven't made much progress with this in the last 8 years is very dicouraging. I should be able to do this. I want to do this. I can do this. And yet, I'm not. I am thinking about asking my friend Mike if he will take some time to record Heather and I, so we can have some demos and stuff.

I hope to be consistent with my spiritual life. I hope God will take away some of the things I'm wrestling with. Perhaps he could take away my fear. Perhaps he could show me, and allow me to experience his pleasure and love, rather than the blurry picture I get now. I'd like to be more confident in Him, and I know I lack faith and trust.

So I hope Janurary can be an Organizational Month. I will get my stuff together, and hopefully set up 2007 to be a productive year.

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"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13.12)

So many times in my life, I feel I am met with "hope deferred" as opposed to "longing fulfilled". I remain hopeful, but my heart does get pretty sick from time to time.

I'm single. Sometimes, it seems I may be that way for quite a while. I have hope, but also fear. I fear that I may screw something up, or perhaps I've already screwed something up. Perhaps, because of my own inadequacy (I can be down-right strange sometimes), I will be destined to walk this earth alone, without a partner. I'm afraid others will take what God may be providing because I'm trying to be "wise" and wait for "His timing". But that doesn't change the fact that that is what He is asking me to do right now. Can I be content, waiting? Can I trust Him to provide? Will He even provide this for me?

I look forward to those trees of life. I want life to the full, and I believe that that is what God has promised me. Can I believe that that is what He's given me right now?

It's hard.

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I once had a health teacher define stress as "change". Whether thats right or not, the fact is I've had a lot of changes this summer, and it has been stressful. The biggest changes are my new job (or same job @ a new company) and my house changes (my good friend Matt leaving for LA, and my new good friend Ted moving in). I've also taken on new leadership responsibilities at church, which haven't amounted to terribly much yet...but that could change too.

All the changes have been stressful. I've had more trouble sleeping this summer than typically. I had 3 or 4 weeks in a row where I had about 1 sleepless (or very little sleep) night a week, for random reasons. The past couple of weeks, I've been so tired after coming home from work. I sigh a lot. I told my friend yesterday that I feel like I've been run over by a car.

Well, here's the sunny side of the street. Below, I'm going to post a completely unprovoked email from a co-worker that I got this Wednesday.

Thanks Mr. Thompson:

Q: Since you came to IQS you have been smiling like a Republican who managed to outlaw abortion. What makes you smile so much throughout the day; clue me in. … I won’t tell a soul. Is it the company coffee, donuts; or a good parking spot with a broke meter? Do share….

Wow! What a great (and funny) compliment! How did I respond?

Thanks, I didn’t realize I’ve been smiling that much. I’d like to be able to say that the reason is Jesus, because I am a believer, but I’m sure its more probably things like “I’m just trying to get people to like me” or “that Dunkin Donuts coffee rocked” or “I enjoy they people around me”. It’s probably a combination of all that stuff.

And then HE RESPONDS:

Off the record: You have exceptionally good people management skills and a disposition that will take you far in life. I used to be optimistic when I was in young…but then I started teaching. It was down hill from there. God’s best be with you.

What an awesome compliment! So needless to say, I was beaming for the rest of the day. But then...later that day, this same guy had a caller who was suicidal, and so I came to help him with the call. He did a great job handling it, but I did take over. Things were cool once I got the lady off to someone who would help her. But then he sends this to my supervisor, who then sends it back to me.

James Thompson is the MAN!!!! He worked on a call nearly 30 minutes with a customer who was in a high priority crisis mode and suicidal. He was calm, collected, professional, and patient. Thompson called several facilities and kept reassuring the caller; finally he did a warm transfer to a treatment center. It was a real learning experience for me to see how he de-escalated the caller, provided her with options, and re-assurance. Thompson is the Man – I was thoroughly impressed with his skills.

For the rest of the day, I was on cloud nine. All I'm trying to say is a little compliment and encouragement can go a long way. It made me forget about my stress for a moment, and made me feel really good and valuable. If you stumble upon this, try to make an effort to encourage someone today. It may make their day!

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Today is July 4th, which would probably be a good time to think about my country's past, and stuff...but I'm not going to really do that here. Although, here is something that touches my heart about my country....the people who have given their lives to start this thing, and to keep it going, and to keep it safe...that was deep.

So last night I had an interesting night. It felt like a night where I kept making left turns, when I'm usually taking right ones (and I don't mean right and wrong). There was a concert (Brandon Butler @ Fort Reno) that I wanted to go to, but I didn't really find people to go with me, so I decided to head out by myself. Normally, I would have not gone by myself, but this time I decided to just go.

I jumped in my car, and I pulled out my Travis CD that I haven't listened to in a while. I don't really know my way through DC that well, but I decided that I had lots of time, so it wouldn't hurt if I got lost a bit. So I took New Hampshire, to Piney Branch, to 410 West, to 16th st, to Military road, to Wisconsin and then down Wisconsin to Fort Reno (I have since learned that if I had taken Nebraska Ave South, that would have been better than going out to Wisconsin. It was very nice drive though, and the homes I drove by were all very nice, and I also drove through Rock Creek Park, which I don't think I've ever been to in all my years of living around DC. Overall, much better than the Beltway.

The concert was had a folky/acousticky feel to it, which was nice and relaxing. I sat in the field, watched the music, went to Whole Foods to grab some eats, and read a bit. I did run into an old friend, Dan Simmons, who was a friend from 8th grade.

Everyone around me had their posse that they were rolling with, but I liked being alone. I liked watching the dogs running around, the bands performing, and the crazy kids dancing like hippies. It definitely feels weird to be alone in that kind of environment. You feel like you should be with people, because, I guess, most everyone else is. You quiet down. You look around to see if you recognize anyone. You can enjoy everything you are doing without having to worry about anyone else. You can focus on your thoughts, ideas, hopes and fears. It was fun, and I think it is good to be alone sometimes. Not all the times, but sometimes.

One of my best nights out this summer!